The second shittiest candy on earth

The first, of course, as stated all too truthfully by Lewis Black, is none other than Candy Corn....this one isn't too far behind.

So i'm on shift yesterday, and i noticed we'd gotten new candies...

I went over to the rack, and took a look, and i found what i thought was the most bizarre confectionery i'd ever seen...it's called lightning bugs. it's shitty gummy bugs, with plastic tongs with a light in them...when you grab the bug, it lights the bug up....fucking weird, right?

I bought one, just so i could check it out, and write about it.....i know it's not a political article like i promised, but they're coming....really they are...

So i got it home, and took pictures....i'll walk you through this disaster...



Here's the front of the package....the really interesting shit's on the back though....



here on the back, we have instructions (if your candy includes instructions, you probably shouldn't be eating it.), the ingredients list (shit, shit, and oh look, more shit), the nutritional facts (as if there's ANY nutritional value whatsoever anywhere in this package....stupid fucking governmental labeling standards.), a graphic assuring the buyer that it's "safety tested" (holy fuck, when's the last time you saw a candy that needed to be safety tested?), and below that, a series of warnings and graphics about how even though it's safe, you still shouldn't give it to small children, or old people (honestly folks....batteries and candy don't fucking mix...if your candy has batteries, you probably shouldn't be eating it)



So here's the whole package opened up....shitty little bug candies, and electro-shock tongs included....could they have picked a more effeminate color for the fucking tongs?....seriously....purple?



Here are the tongs....note the label that says "Electronic Tongs", with the little picture of the lightning bolt on it...the international warning symbol for electrical shock hazards....and the pull tab warning you to remove it before use.....not very reassuring...



Here's a shot of the little light inside....it's a simple setup....a high intensity red LED, wired to a small watch battery in the round part of the tongs...



Here's a shock, i mean shot of it in action..



and lastly a shot of most of the bugs in the bag all stuck together.....yes, i ate the whole fucking thing, just as it was...

all in all this is the craziest idea for a candy i've ever seen.....i'm sure only the japanese rival this product's manufacturer in terms of pure insanity....i'll hafta take a trip there sometime to find out..


Another thing i wanted to rant on real fast has to do with these fucking nutritional information labels on everything....is it just me, or is it getting really goddamn annoying?

I was hanging out with my best friend last weekend, and i got a big mac at the local mcdonalds.....after i was done, i was playing with the carton, and i'll be damned if there wasn't a fucking nutritional information panel printed on the bottom of the fuckin' thing....folks, i don't need a NI panel to tell me that the shit isn't good for me...i already fucking know. shit like this is becoming an epidemic in this country.....everything's gotta be politically correct, safety packaged, and properly labeled for the dumb masses, who can't think for themselves anymore....everyone's suing everyone for everything these days....got a fat kid? sue mcdonalds, or burger king, or hell, sue em' both....too stupid to live? sue the state for having a rubbish school system...too ugly? sue your parents for having rubbish genes.....honestly, what the fuck?


Political articles coming very soon...i promise (note to staff: you hear that, you fuckers? don't make a liar out of me, lol)