Inside the mind of a video store employee...

I've been at the video store for about a year now....my last job was at a large movie theatre....whatever i do, i can't seem to get away from the entertainment industry....or the idiots that flock to partake....

There are a great many things that piss me off about our customers...here's a few..


Putting shit back

Ok, so ya' take something...look at it....maybe walk around with it, whilst pondering as to whether or not you actually wanna rent it....then you decide you don't want it, and you put it back on the shelf...

......all the way across the fucking store.....

Jesus fucking christ, this is like the pinnacle of lazyness...they can't even be bothered to put the fucking thing back where they found it...no, they've gotta just stick it on any old shelf...how fucked up do you hafta be? It's the simplest thing in the world...you pick something up, and decide you don't want it, you put it back where you found it...c'mon people, it's not that hard.


Late Charges

I LOVE when some lazy fuck brings their movie back 43 days late, then has the nerve to get pissed off at US for charging them late fees....they feel they shouldn't hafta pay because they "Forgot i still had it"...

HELLO, THAT'S NOT OUR FUCKING PROBLEM! PAY UP PLZKTHX!

I especially love the ones who are like 157 days over, and they have a letter from collections...and they bring it to us, and then YELL at us...as if that's actually going to change anything...we're not collections, we're a video store, you're the one who didn't return your shit on time, it's out of our hands, back tha fuck off...

Then there's the ones who return their shit with no disc...ignore our calls, then on their next visit, find out that they returned their shit with no disc, and get pissed off because they're going to be charged with late fees

Customer: "Am i going to be charged for that"

Me: "Yes Ma'am"

Customer: "WHAT?!"

Me: "Yes Ma'am, it was due 8 days ago, and you returned it with no disc" ::holds up empty case:: "See?"

Bitch: "But it's here, why am i being charged?"

Me: "It's very simple, my intelectually challenged friend, we can't check it back into the system, until the media is actually in our posession, otherwise, the computer thinks there's a viable rental, when there's really not BECAUSE YOU'VE STILL FUCKING GOT IT!"

Bitch: "oh...well, i'm still not paying for it, because i returned the case"

Me: "Well, you're fucking retarded, so you'll hafta take that up with god, if you believe in god, or you can talk to our store director, and she'll tell you the same thing i just did..have a nice day, kthxbai"

Bitch: ::throws movie at me:: "Fuck you, i'm going to blockbuster"

Me: "Have fun with that, bu-bye"

...Tha fuck is wrong with people?

I'm starting to feel like common sense really IS dead..


Bums

Let me paint you a picture...

Dude comes in..he fucking reeks like ass and general B.O. ...he comes in, spends 45 minutes deciding what he wants to rent..then he comes up.....by this time, the store reeks, and now this smelly fucker is standing RIGHT in front of me...i scan his card, and BAM! up comes the screen that tells me he has 97 dollars in late charges...HO-LY SHIT.....

Me: Sir, you have Ninty-Seven dollars in late fees, would you like to put anything towards that tonight?

Smelly Fucker: Naw, i can't afford it...maybe i'll hit it up on payday...

Me: ::trying not to breathe too much:: Sir..some of these charges are from last year, i'm really going to hafta insist that you put something, ANYTHING towards your lates tonight

Smelly Fucker: ::incredulous:: Fine, i'll put a dollar on it..

Me: Alright, one dollar, very good sir....

Meanwhile, he's renting like 16 bucks worth of DVD's....which will probably come back late...

Now which of you fine readers can tell me exactly what the fuck is wrong with this picutre?


Still can't figure it out?...no problem..

Perhaps instead of spending 16 bucks on rentals, he should put it towards his late charges...or even better, go buy some soap, and take a motherfucking shower...christ allmighty, i don't think i'll ever understand what the fuck is wrong with these people...


"Fuck you, i'm going to blockbuster"

I swear to christ, if i hear that again anytime soon, i'll be driven to kill....and i'll plead temporary insanity...then i'll countersue the customer's family for mental anguish...watch me fucking win...

I hear that on average, maybe 6 times a week...what i love is when i get all my "fuck you, i'm going to blockbuster" in on one day....keeps things nice and neat...gets the all the hatred out of the way all at once....

The clientel for my store consists primarily of rude, selfish bastards...smug, arrogant rich assholes....the don't give a fuck about you, the fact that you work a shit job for shit pay, and that you put up with assholes like themselves all day, and that you're more than likely fed up....all they care about is getting their own way...

Don't have their film in stock? "You suck"

Only have their film in VHS? "You really suck"

Have the film they want, but can't find it, because some idiot put it on some shelf across the store? "This is the worst store ever"

Tell them they have late fees? ::Throws movie at Pliskin:: "Fuck you, i'm going to blockbuster"

...always with the throwing...every fucking time... I've gotten excellent at dodging airborne foreign objects


t3h creepy

Creepy fuckers.....what the hell is it about a video store that attracts creepy fuckers, drunks, retards, and stupid people?....i've encountered more of the above in my year at this store, than in my 2 years at the theatre....

Creepy fucker calls the store

CF: "Hi, do you have a porn section?"

Me: "No, i'm sorry, we don't carry porn"

CF: "That sucks, are you sure?"

Me: "Naw, i'm not sure at all...i've only been here a year, but that doesn't necessarily mean i actually know what we do and don't carry"

CF: "Oh, ok...do you know if blockbuster has porn?"

Me: ::urge to kill rising:: "No, i don't work there, so i have no idea" (even though i know for a fact they don't carry porn either)

CF: "Oh..alright, do you know who might have it?"

Me: "Oh for fuck's sake, fine you creepy little degenerate fuckhead, try the little mom and pop place down the road, they have a HUGE fucking porn section....maybe while you're there, you'll see the HUGE picure of me in the porn section....I'M THEIR BIGGEST FUCKING CUSTOMER!"

CF: "Oh, ok, thanks" *Click*


God. Fucking. Damnit.

Then there's the creepy fucks that come in, ask if we have porn, then when they find out we don't, they proceed to go rent the sleasiest looking softcore film from the "drama" section...when in the fuck did softcore porn become "drama?...when they return the film, i handle it with latex goves, until i can get it into the incinerator....i don't ever wanna touch it again...

So a few weeks ago, these drunk people come in...they knock over a bunch of shit, then rent a few movies....so they tell us their microwave is broken, and ask us if we could pop their popcorn for them...ok, fine, this isn't a big deal, we're nice blokes, so we do it....problem is our microwave in the break room is like some industrial mutant fucker that destroys everything you put in it....so my supervisor puts the bag in, sets it for 3 minutes, and walks away....about 45 seconds later, he smells burning....he goes to check the corn, and HOLY WTF, the bag's not only popped, but is smoking.....he hands it to me, and i open it...wtf, it's all burnt...so i take it outside, to toss it in the dumpster, because it fucking stinks, and it's smoking....so i'm outside, on my way to the dumpster, and the fucking thing ignites...i can only imagine the view from inside....me, running towards the back of the building, carying a fireball.....lovely....

I get back in, and the female of the dynamicly toasted duo is like walking around in the fucking office, bitching at my supervisor about the corn, while he's trying desperately to get her out of the office....they were really disruptive, and reeked of booze, after we got her out of the office, we asked them to leave, and we of course got a hearty "Fuck you, we're going to blockbuster", preceeded by the guy throwing a movie at me, which, because he's was SERIOUSLY drunk, went WAY off course, and nearly hit another customer...

I love it when people mistake us for blockbuster.....lady come up to the counter, puts movies down, and proceeds to hand me her blockbuster card..

Me: "Ma'am, this is (censored)"

Lady: "Excuse me?"

Me: "This is (censored), not Blockbuster...you handed me a Blockbuster card"

Lady: "This isn't blockbuster?"

Me: "No, they're across the street"

Lady: "Oh.." *walks away*


HELLO!, WHAT THA FUCK?!

They're blue and yellow...our colors are quite different....if you're colorblind, perhaps you shouldn't be DRIVING?!

Unrelated to video stores, i love how this state lets people with severe vision impairment operate motor vehicles...and they wonder why we have so many accidents...

I know this lady....she's a bitch, but that's beside the point....she legaly blind...look at that for a moment "BLIND"

..she has a license, and is allowed to drive...

I told Anakon "You might wanna think twice before coming down here to chill with me...THEY LET BLIND PEOPLE FUCKING DRIVE!"

...he thought that was funny...


At any rate...when you go to a video store, please remember what i've typed on this night, and take heed...us video store employees are a testy bunch....we hate when people make our already irritating jobs harder, and we hate when we get a "fuck you, i'm going to (insert compeditor's name here)" just because we don't carry "Anal-raping donkey sluts from mars 12"..please stop the madness...

I'm out.